I’ve read a few posts recently that have kind of recorded ‘the year that was’ in the form of a blog post. So in good ol’ millennial fashion, I’m going to steal that idea and write about my year since my last birthday.
I’m mainly writing this as a record, but I’ll share the shit out of it because I’m a narcissistic piece of shit and I’m okay with that. So for future me reading this, and probably my mum (hi!) – enjoy the below list about the year that was.
THIS TIME LAST YEAR
According to my Instagram (another form of record keeping I like to peruse when I’m vibing myself) – this time last year I was…
ONE Thinking about how dogs brains work / ‘what if’ overthinking / unconscious bias and some other random shit. Feel free to read more about it here because apparently, I felt the need to waft on about it for a number of paragraphs.
TWO I was taking photos of random buildings – so nothing has changed much there.
THREE Writing a lot more (which I just read for the first time in a year and I don’t hate it to be honest – good job me).
FOUR Not posting on the gram as much as I am now – did someone say addiction?
Now let’s get to the actual point of this post – the last 12 months…
ONE I have this thing where I can’t write super meaningful shit unless I’m alone. I get up at 5:30 AM just to have the lounge room to myself to sit and write. It’s super weird. I’m super weird. But who the fuck isn’t and why would you want to be normal anyway?
TWO My brain over analyses everything. Apparently, it was doing that over a year ago as well so must just be part of my personality. Cool cool cool cool cool.
THREE (A) Sometimes I purposely have coffee at 7:00 PM at night so I won’t sleep very well so that I’ll be super tired the next day. This is because occasionally I feel the happiest on these days, because my brain isn’t running everything over on a cycle. It’s just like “Coffee? Pizza? Cool.” on repeat. Then sometimes it was the worst idea in the world and everyone should stay out of my way.
THREE (B) I think that’s why I go and watch soccer for five hours every weekend because I can just zone the fuck out. I don’t feel guilty for not working. It lets me be outside, with my dog, enjoying the fucking wind on my face.
THREE (C) This is also probably partly why I go hang out with my niece and nephews every week because it’s a different kind of mind break / brain stimulation. They are also pretty great, so there’s that.
FOUR Sometimes I miss home (Brisbane), but at this point in time can’t ever see myself moving back there. That could change, who knows. I think I would miss walking down any street here in Melbourne and finding some sick building or house.
FIVE I don’t know anymore if I’m posting on Instagram because it’s shit I like or whether it’s to impress people. I don’t want to be that person, but we all crave that attention. I only post shit I enjoy – but lately, it feels a bit excessive.
SEVEN We started a podcast. It might not have made it past 13 episodes and we will forever be those friends that you tag in memes about ‘that one friend that starts a podcast’. But we had upwards of 500 downloads and it was a fun concept while we had time and I learnt some shit. So stuff you and your hilarious meme.
EIGHT I realised that a big motivation for me completing any big goals has been when collaboration is involved. I don’t like letting people down or saying I’ll do something and then not – it gives me anxiety. Lesson: collaborate on everything.
NINE I’m three quarters through writing and prepping a Skillshare class on transitioning from being a Designer to a UX Designer – mainly focused around tips and information I wish I had easy access to when I did it five years ago. It’s not a collaboration, therefore I’m finding it harder to finish that other things on my to do list.
TEN I somehow became the person that gets injured a lot. I fell face first into a skate ramp after doing a jump transition at height. I broke my nose and didn’t treat a concussion I didn’t realise I had at the time, and it messed with my brain for almost a year. It was like I was high for a whole year and now I can’t remember chunks of it. The only reason the post-concussion syndrome is in a better place now is because I broke my leg... also skating. Clean break in my Fibula and snapping my ankle ligament that keeps your ankle together. 15cm scar from surgery, metal plates and screws and the inability to walk for months – maybe I’ll finally listen to my body when it says slow the fuck down.
ELEVEN I never really thought of myself as a sports person, even though I’d played some form of team sports my whole life. Until I couldn’t play anymore. I realised that I did really love it and now there’s this big whole in my life and I’m trying to fill it with non-risk activities like drawing and writing. It ain’t quite the same.
TWELVE I like writing, it makes me feel some form of vibes. It makes me wade through my own shit and create some sense of my life. I guess it frees my mind to open space for something else.
THIRTEEN I discovered that as much as meditation is good for me, and helps me get to a better mental space. I can’t for the life of me keep it up as a habit. I’ve tried so many times. This is similar to yoga actually.
FOURTEEN I liked getting to know people this year. I didn’t know them before, and I probably still don’t know them now – really. People are complicated and I can’t work out how some people’s minds work. But maybe that’s a mystery we’re just meant to have in life? The control freak in me needs to understand and process. I do want to know people on a deeper level than just that surface – the weather is a bit crap today type of shit. Give me those deep and meaningful conversations any day of the week. BUT please don’t do it after 6PM. I’m a grandma. OKKAYYY ADAMMMM.
FIFTEEN My dog had his first health scare in his nine years of life. This hits hard for what is to come. Friends have lost their dogs this year and I can see the hole it’s left. I don’t want that hole. Not for me, not for them, not for anyone. Everyone should have a dog. I may cry internally and externally forever when he goes.
SIXTEEN I’ve already started to cry like three times writing absolute nonsense notes for this. I have some feels OKAY.
SEVENTEEN I’ve started reading like three different horoscope apps a day for some reason. Co-star, The Pattern and some dodgy one that feels more like the gossip mags. I’m not really sure why – but I think they help justify my emotions and why I’m acting the way I am. They also give little bits of hope, and sometimes you need that.
EIGHTEEN I’ve decided that I would be much more content with all my clothes if they had a tiny bit of typography on it. Just to help say something. My jumper that says ‘Hello’ satisfies my soul in ways that I will never be to explain without it sounding like I have some kind of sexual attraction to clothes (I don’t, but it’s on a similar level…)
NINETEEN From a general life perspective, the piece of advice I heard somewhere I can’t remember is you should be trying to work towards a life where you are happy with your day structure. For example – I’m most productive from 5:00 AM till about 11:00 AM, but that’s not what my work allows for, so in my perfect world I would be able to structure my days around my most productive working hours. But there’s so many more layers to what perfect day would be and I haven’t worked it all out yet.
TWENTY I’ve been editing videos for years for work, but I’m really not that good (not trying to be self-deprecating, we collaborate with people that know their shit). I just know the basics. The last few months it’s felt like maybe that’s where I want to upskill, and learn more about how the production happens pre-editing as well as bigger projects and how the editing process of that takes place.
TWENTY ONE I’m an incredibly impatient human.
TWENTY TWO I used to think I was an impulse shopper, now I just think I’m impulsive in general. I message people I don’t know on Instagram. I do things before thinking it through and then have mild panic attacks because of it.
TWENTY THREE Breaking my leg really made me need to sit back and look at things. It was a really tough mental time for me. I know shit can always be worse, and I’ve never really been challenged quite so emotionally or physically before. I had to ask people for help. I really struggle with that and now I have my independence back, I think I will continue to struggle to ask for help. I don’t know why but sometimes it just seems easier.
TWENTY FOUR I got to spend Christmas with family I rarely get to see – and it made me miss parts of childhood, and it made me want them in my life more often.
TWENTY FIVE The past 12 months have been strangely fitting in that I feel like myself more than I ever have before. I know what my values are, I know where I want to put energy, and I genuinely feel like I’ve got a bit of work / life balance figured out. The big gaping whole is that I want to be spending time every day doing something that makes a difference, that helps the world in some way, or helps people in some way. I think Brush It On is a stepping stone in the right direction, but the rest of my time is really either self absorbed or trying to make businesses more money with better websites. Something to work on I guess.
TWENTY SIX It seems fitting to end on twenty-six but my brain died like 10 points ago. I nearly ended it on twenty-five because I momentarily forgot how old I was turning. The end.